tired

I am so tired. All around tired -- physically, mentally, spiritually; just worn out.

I was looking back on my old blogs last week, and I realized I bitch a lot. :P I've decided to try not to bitch so much about my life, because nobody likes a negative nancy. I'm allowing myself this blog to get my bitching done, and then no more. So here goes:

Just a little bit of stability would be a nice change of pace from the chaos that I feel has ruled my life since May: moved to a new house, remodelled said house, got a new puppy who is STILL not potty trained (and has been getting into trouble every five minutes... can't get a moment's peace!), grandpa hospitalized twice, and then passed away last week. I held it together pretty well earlier in the week, but completely lost it at the viewing and funeral. I HATE crying in front of people, but I couldn't help it. It was not pretty.

Mike has switched me to a no-carb/atkins diet during the week, and carbs-but-low-fat on the weekends. Last week, with family in town, post-funeral banquet, viewing, etc, clean eating was pretty much a bust. :( I've run out of excuses except that I am weak. Again, I ate my feelings.

I'm hoping to clean it up this week, and catch up to where I was the week before. It's frustrating to look back and see that I made progress the week before, only to undo it all last week. I am so bad at not letting my life interfere!

My one consolation is that I am still making it to workouts. I am glad I'm still working with Mike, because I would definitely NOT be hitting the gym and attempting clean eating right now if I weren't. This morning was especially tough to get out of bed. I really really really wanted to just turn over, burrow deeper in the blankets and sleep more.

I'm pretty sure if I were left to my own devices, I would be sleeping in and carb-festing. I really just want to crawl into a hole somewhere and disappear for a while.

Ok, that's enough wallowing in self-pity.

In other news, I am making progress in lifting! Mike started me on squats with the bar in the squat cage, and deadlifts with the bar. *fist pump (hehe, I'm so lame). He said my form has improved a lot in the past month, which is also awesome. The only thing holding me back is my grip. :( I have calluses (sp?) but not good enough to last me through the set. I was thinking of giving in and wearing the gloves daph bought me until I told my bro, and he said "gloves are for pussies."

ok then.

I guess I'll see how long I last before finally admitting that i am a pussy. hahahaha