the mental game

Last week I had my first biggest loser moment:

My house is walking distance (somewhere between 0.25 and 0.5 mile) from a shopping center that has a ranch 99, Petco, Sam Woo, JJ bakery, KFC, Subway, Marie Callendars, 24 hr fitness, etc. Whenever I go to any of those places (to be clear, i have not even entered Sam Woo, Marie Callendars, Baskin Robbins, Subway, or JJ bakery -- they don't exist in my diet), I try to walk there. I figure it's good for the environment, and it's good for me.

I ran out of alfie's food on tuesday, so i decided to take him for a walk to petco to pick up his food after work on wednesday. I always bring my backpack, and usually pick up the 5 lb? 2.5 lb? bag. The Chinese in me hated buying the smaller bag, though, because the 15 lb bag saves you almost half the cost. I never bought the 15 lb bag before because it didn't fit in the cupboard at my bro's house, and I was too lazy to try carrying the 15 lb bag back home if I walked.

Feeling empowered by my 18 lb loss, I decided to try it. I managed to shake and remold the bag so that it fit in my backpack (yay for REI backpacks... now i know they fit 15 lb bags of dog food!), and hefted it onto my back. Man... this thing was 3 lbs lighter than what I weighed when I started, and it felt like a ton of bricks. No WONDER I was tired all the time! I hoofed it home with alfie, and counted that as my work out for the day (I did ask alfie why he couldn't carry his own food, and he just gave me a blank stare. Dogs...).

On the physical front:
My blood pressure has gone from 120/80 to 100/70, resting heart rate of about 65 bpm (goal of 60). Dunno what my cholesterol is, but I will have blood drawn in another 2 mos.
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I had some really deep thoughts about how working out has given me a lot more confidence and a higher tolerance for bullshit at work, but I've just been interrupted twice by phone calls, and my patience is wearing thin again. So much for that. :P

hahaha, no, seriously. i was thinking about it today as i was driving in to work -- I'm a lot less stressed out, i think i am much nicer to the students than i otherwise would have been, and have adopted a new "take no shit" attitude, but deliver it softly. Rawr.

I also discovered that i really enjoy working out. Who'd have thunk it? It is the only time when I tune out my inner voice, and focus on what's in front of me. No thoughts of work, alfie, boys, family, responsibilities, appointments, what's for dinner, errands, house, mortgage, small group... just focusing on what I need to do to keep up good form, and get through the set. It's freaking awesome. I wish i could have more moments of clarity like this, but i'm female, and worrying is in my genes (because there's DANGER around every corner, as my dad says).